It Will Go Away, Right?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I saw Felix yesterday for the first time since we broke up. When I saw him, I instantly remembered the first time I met him. The last 4 1/2 years quickly flashed through my mind and I questioned whether or not I had made the right decision. How do you know for sure? All I could think about was the first time we went out. We went to his cousin's for a party. He held my hand and I was so happy. Then he said the words that I teased him about during our entire relationship. "I'm ready to kiss you now." I loved teasing him about that. He would get embarrassed and smile, with his cute dimples showing. I really thought that we would get married one day, and like I told him, if we are really supposed to be together, then we will be. I don't know if a long break is what I need to realize that or not, but I had to try something.

We both cried and hugged and I can honestly say it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. When I left, he held up his hand and did the "I love you" sign. He used to do that all the time in the beginning of our relationship. It killed me. I cried all night. I also told him he could have Rowdy. I can't even type that without getting a huge knot in my throat. I love that damn dog so much and I told him he could have him. He said I could see him whenever I want. But what about the fact that he doesn't even know if he is going to stay in San Angelo? I know it's silly, because it's just a dog. But Rowdy isn't JUST a dog to me. Anyway, enough about that.

My new house is pretty cool. I'm living with my friend Brandon and his friend Mike. We have fun. We laugh A LOT, which is exactly what I need right now. What I don't need? The huge mess in my bedroom because I have no where to put anything! I really hope to have all that cleaned up by this weekend. I also hope to blog everyday, because it does make me feel a little bit better about what's going on in my life right now. So thanks to the 2 or 3 of you reading this. You are probably bored to death, but thank you anyway!

Now that I have tears streaming down my cheeks, and every man I work with is acting awkward, trying not to look me in the eyes, I better go. Wait, one more thing. The pain will go away, right?


4 peeps said....:

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

The pain will never go away, but it will lessen and get easier to deal with. Eventually it won't be your one all consuming thought. It will turn into a random thought you occasionally have and get sad over, but you'll recover quickly.

That's how it is for me at least...


Briana said...

Thank you Bitch. Hopefully you are right. If you aren't then I will come to California and cut you. Jay slash kay, of course.


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about you and Felix. I will call you as soon as I can.
Love you and anytime you want a smile, just let me know!
Your mom ~ Ashley

Briana said...

Thank you Ashtray!!