It Will Go Away, Right?

I saw Felix yesterday for the first time since we broke up. When I saw him, I instantly remembered the first time I met him. The last 4 1/2 years quickly flashed through my mind and I questioned whether or not I had made the right decision. How do you know for sure? All I could think about was the first time we went out. We went to his cousin's for a party. He held my hand and I was so happy. Then he said the words that I teased him about during our entire relationship. "I'm ready to kiss you now." I loved teasing him about that. He would get embarrassed and smile, with his cute dimples showing. I really thought that we would get married one day, and like I told him, if we are really supposed to be together, then we will be. I don't know if a long break is what I need to realize that or not, but I had to try something.

We both cried and hugged and I can honestly say it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. When I left, he held up his hand and did the "I love you" sign. He used to do that all the time in the beginning of our relationship. It killed me. I cried all night. I also told him he could have Rowdy. I can't even type that without getting a huge knot in my throat. I love that damn dog so much and I told him he could have him. He said I could see him whenever I want. But what about the fact that he doesn't even know if he is going to stay in San Angelo? I know it's silly, because it's just a dog. But Rowdy isn't JUST a dog to me. Anyway, enough about that.

My new house is pretty cool. I'm living with my friend Brandon and his friend Mike. We have fun. We laugh A LOT, which is exactly what I need right now. What I don't need? The huge mess in my bedroom because I have no where to put anything! I really hope to have all that cleaned up by this weekend. I also hope to blog everyday, because it does make me feel a little bit better about what's going on in my life right now. So thanks to the 2 or 3 of you reading this. You are probably bored to death, but thank you anyway!

Now that I have tears streaming down my cheeks, and every man I work with is acting awkward, trying not to look me in the eyes, I better go. Wait, one more thing. The pain will go away, right?

Toodles